I set an intention recently, to tell the truth. Telling the truth, my truth is something I find deeply uncomfortable and challenging. For almost 40 years, I have learned to dilute, abstain and even lie in order to make sure my words and actions do not make others uncomfortable, offended, or displeased.
The deep programming that I adopted as a young girl has set me on a path of being subservient, nice, and approval-seeking. It is also my understanding that it is the reason I got so sick a few years ago. The physical and energetic toll it took on my body to hold back my own truth, created a toxic internal and self-abusive environment, which resulted in my physical self deteriorating to a point of almost no return.
Three years on, I am starting to understand the depth of what this holding back almost cost me. Even in making the commitment now to ‘tell the truth’, I can feel a physical response of discomfort in my body. There is so much In resistance to the idea of writing this article.
So what would it look like if I told you the truth about what’s going on for me right now?
I am scared. All the time. I am afraid of getting it wrong. I am scared of showing up, owning my power, and leading. I tell myself I would prefer to hide in amongst the herd, safe and comfortable. I don’t want to lose friendships or connections. I am not ready to let go of some of my safe structures. I want to be accepted, loved, and approved of. Yet, in saying that, I also feel the hollowness of these words. It’s not true, another part of me screams.
There is another, deeply hidden part of me that desperately wants to stand out, that wants to be able to hold space for women to dig into the deepest parts of themselves and feel able to tell their truth. I want to be able to lead from the front, sharing and baring it all. I understand that at times this may feel lonely and frightening, but I want it all the same. My hands are sweating as I type these words, but it’s like a floodgate has opened and the words are pouring out. They are so ready to be heard.
Because I know that if I am truly acknowledging and telling the truth, this is what I am here to do. I am here to share, heal and take up space. In doing this, I will also fulfil my purpose of building a community of women who are doing the same, in their own unique and beautiful way.
So who is ready to speak their truth? Do you feel it inside you too? Come with me, we can be brave together.
To really bring this intention to life, I’m considering changing the name of my private FB group – the ‘Women’s Truth Tribe’ – a place to be the real you. If you’d love to be part of this community, you are warmly invited to join by clicking here.
Live, Love & Laugh,
Tash x
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