My Child Has Taught Me Some Valuable Life Lessons

We were enjoying a much needed summer break at a beach shack south of Perth, with a gorgeous view of the ocean from all aspects. It was 11pm and we heard the tell-tale ‘bark’ coming from our son’s room. Instantly, I felt the anxiety grip my body and my heart began to race. I met my hubby’s eyes across the room, he was processing the same emotions. Our son was showing the warning signs of another croup and asthma attack.

The first time we heard this sound, we were on holiday with some family in another destination south of Perth. I woke in the night to an unfamiliar sound, it was like a seal or pup was barking in my room. I was completely disorientated and could not compute what was causing the sound. Eventually I woke enough to realise that it was coming from the portacot at the end of our bed. Our one year old was having his first croup attack. As our first child had never had croup, we did not know what we were dealing with, and with our son’s recent diagnosis of food allergies, we were quick to rush him to the local hospital, in fear that he was having an allergic reaction. We were reassured that it was unlikely to be a food allergy related, rather he had caught a virus which was attacking his air pipe causing it to swell and inducing what would be come a familiar sound – the croup ‘bark’. He was treated with a dose of steroids and we were sent home with instructions to monitor his breathing closely and return to the hospital if he appeared to be struggling.

Over the next few years, we became experts on recognising the signs of croup. It is an extremely common childhood condition, however, whilst many children experience the bark without breathing difficulties, our son was not so fortunate. Within an hour of hearing the bark, we knew he would quickly spiral downhill and in the early days, we had many late night dashes to ED to have the miracle steroid medication administered. Some nights, this would be coupled with ventolin, sometimes every 20 mins for the whole night. I have recounted this stories to other parents many times, but it is so hard to truly describe the feeling of anxiety and fear when you are watching your child struggle to catch their breath. It is something that only another parent of a child with a chronic or life-threatening condition can really understand.

After a particularly bad run with him experience croup sometimes once – twice a month over a six month period, I pleaded with my GP for another solution. I had read about all the side-effects that oral steroids can have on young people and was desperate to try some other strategies to help prevent these attacks. By this stage, he was 3.5. We had visited ED countless times and he had been on more steroids than I cared to think of. We were referred to a respiratory specialist for more in-depth testing and assessment of his lung capacity. A lung function, baseline wheeze and sleep study later and we had our diagnosis. Viral induced asthma and croup, coupled together to make breathing incredibly difficult when any viral cold or illness would hit. We were put on a higher dose asthma preventer and told not to wait when his croup symptoms showed, we needed to hit it hard with the steroid at the first sign of the bark before the swelling really took hold. Fast forward two years, with the incidence of the attacks lessening but the threat always hanging over our head.

Every time he goes away overnight or if we go away for a few days or a longer break, we take our steroid and puffer with us. We travelled to the Gold Coast earlier in 2020 and realised we had left the steroid at home (on the bench in the must take pile we forgot), so quickly booked in with a local dial a doctor to secure a script for the lifesaving medication, ‘just in case’. There have been many occasion when we haven’t used it, but the peace of mind of having it on-board for when it strikes is worth the effort of taking it everywhere.

He is now six years old, and we have not experienced a true attack for over a year. So when we heard the bark coming from his room on this holiday, I couldn’t believe how quickly the anxiety and fear flooded back in. A dose of steroid was administered, followed by a midnight vigil watching his movements, listening to his breathing and checking his ribs for sucking in and the frightening ‘tracheal tug’ at the base of his neck. Last night, I slept in his room so I could keep an ear out, I finally went to sleep about 2.30am once I was certain that his breathing had eased, and was woken by the toddler at 5.55am. Today I am functioning on 3.5 hours sleep and a bucket load of coffee.

It is my hubby’s birthday and we have snuck away for a quick coffee together whilst the toddler sleeps and the aunty minds the big kids. I feel exhausted but so grateful for modern medicine and the partnership I have with my hubby in navigating these frightening and uncertain times when our precious boy is sick.

As I was lying in bed last night listening to sounds of my children sleeping, I had time to reflect on how I could be grateful for this experience. I realised that this is another grounding reminder that life is so precious, and we only get to live our lives once. We can’t control how long we are on this earth and we cant control how long we get to spend with the people we love. So why do we waste so much time doing things we feel obligated to do, or spending our energy on things that don’t bring us joy? I am taking this opportunity to hold my children tight and give them a giant squeeze and tell them I love them. When our loved ones are sick or unwell, we have such clarity about what is really important in life. How can we hold onto this and live by this clarity when the bustle of life takes over?
I’d love to hear how you do this in your life.

Live, Love and Laugh

Tash xx