The Trouble With Being Me

I started writing blogs in May last year and for some time, I was writing one every week without fail. I realised yesterday that I haven’t written a blog for almost a month and I pondered why. I love writing, it is an outlet to journal my experiences, thoughts and process my emotions and journey. I usually don’t know what exactly is going to be in the blog, but I have a sense of the topic and I just flow with whatever needs to come out. It’s my formula and it has served me well thus far! So with all this in mind, I had to ask myself; why am I not writing?

I had lots of immediate excuses. The kids are on school holidays, life’s been really hectic, I’ve been helping hubby with some of the day to day running of our family business. I’ve also been building my online presence, sharing snippets of my life and in a sense, sharing my journey through that platform. I’ve also been working on refining my mum’s mini coaching program whilst also participating in some personal coaching of my own. Add into it the regular birthdays, events, family stuff and life seems pretty full. Lots of excuses right? That’s exactly what my head wants, and it wants me to stop acting with my heart.

So now I’ve caught this thread and I’m going to run with it. You’re probably all familiar with the term ‘acting with your head or your heart’. It’s a phrase I’ve always known, but never truly delved into until recent times. To me, the easy explanation for the difference between the two is that when you act with your head it’s using yours or other’s past experiences, it’s about rationalising, evidence and working out the end outcome before you even start. It’s the known answer. Because of this, it’s generally deemed safer, more practical and more viable. It is how most of us operate when we’re in our autopilot mode, as we refer to our default answers and responses to get to the outcome. It can achieve outcomes, but often leaves us feeling unfulfilled or unsatisfied, sometimes for a reason we can’t quite place our finger on. We’re getting things done and kicking goals, yet why don’t we feel happy or complete?

Then there’s the heart. Acting on your heart involves a lot less ‘knowing’ and a lot more ‘going with your gut’. It’s that whisper that if you don’t swat away, it gives you another way, a new approach, a different path. It’s the undeniable feeling that you know the answer, but it doesn’t make any sense, because it’s not based on any experience you’ve had before, nor anything you’ve seen someone else do. It’s often hazy, unclear and not well defined. Yet, when you choose to follow it, you find yourself in a new place, outcome or situation that would have never allowed yourself to go, if following your head. When you take actions based on following your heart, they are often the decisions and experiences you cherish and hold dear to you.

For me, I have made decisions with my head almost my entire life. I had a clear view on what was the right path and what was the wrong path and I followed it to the letter. For most of the time, I felt happy and safe with my lot in life. But I had an uncomfortable realisation last year, that we never know what is around the corner, and I decided I didn’t want to be leaving this world feeling like I had just got by and been comfortable. So when I heard a little whisper in my gut telling me to write my story, I took the brave step and started to share. I didn’t know where it would go or if I would even share it with anyone, but I just took the first step. For once in my life, I didnt over think and fall into ‘analysis paralysis’, I just let it unfold.

The trouble I see now, is that in shedding some of my old behaviours and patterns and embracing this new and unknown path, I don’t quite know where ‘Tash’ fits into all of this. I see people all around taking firm action and I’m standing still, trying to follow this whisper. It’s as terrifying as it is exciting. I’m loving and hating every minute, with equal fervour! But I know that I am loving sharing my story and I am passionate about connecting with other women, particularly mums who are on their own journey. So for now, that is enough and I will just continue to take the next step as it unfolds. I want to leave my mark on this planet, when I look back, I want to know what I did actually made a difference in this world. I believe we can all do this, it is just a matter of choice.

Do you feel this battle of acting with your head or your heart? Can you think of examples of when you have followed each, and what was the outcome? I’d love to hear from you and know that I’m not alone on this journey.

Live, Love and Laugh

Tash x